I have some updates for ya’ll!
If you follow Balanced Life Aloha on social media, then I’m sure by now you have heard the joyous news, our little boy cub news, that is!
Also inevitably apparent has been my lack of blog posts and articles within the past couple of months. I’m sure my fellow mama bears reading this can understand the M.I.A.-ness due to first trimester dealings. However, I’m not writing to you today to dive in to the crazy chronicles of our family’s last few months (but, don’t worry I’ll catch you up on those soon). This post is to unveil and introduce a new kind of route that BLALOHA is going to wander down for the next year or so.
As some of you know, I have had the Balanced Life Aloha YouTube channel in imminent release since first launching this blog. But after suffering the loss from a miscarriage shortly after that time, some complications thereafter, moving homes, and our new/current pregnancy, vlogging was sadly put on the backburner.
Things have now slowed down just a bit, and I have found myself presently sitting in the center of a pile of matters – bits and pieces of what my purpose here with Balanced Life Aloha pertains to.
Mainly so though, because I miss writing to you friends of mine, I have been brainstorming a new “Notes & Thoughts” part of Balanced Life Aloha. This will encompass shorter posts here on the blog, sort of like, well, notes or journal entries. I think with less pressure to have full-blown editorials and articles, I will have the benefit of connecting with ya’ll more (again) by way of such blurbs and heartfelt notes.
I am also dabbling with the production of candid vlogs and video entries alike, so stay-tuned because I may just start popping up on the Balanced Life Aloha YouTube channel with short messages, shares, and raw material for you. :)
Accordingly, to commence the start of BLALOHA Notes, I wanted to share a recent assessment that came to life after some dream casting in relation to my husband and I’s upcoming journey in to parenthood of not just TWO little babes, but with the blessing of a boy as well!
“Your children are learning what marriage should look like by watching you. Treat your spouse the way you want your kids’ future spouse to treat them someday.” From the book, The 7 Laws of Love by Dave Willis.
Such inspirational and thought-provoking quotes have always come from an endless amount of sources and outlets throughout my days. However, as a mama and a (lightly)seasoned wife, such events tend to now center on these philosophies – parenthood & marriage. So an inspirational scripture or quote that may have meant one thing to me years ago, now can provoke an entirely new world of thinking (I LOVE this!). Reading the above-shared quote from Dave Willis brought me back to a conversation my husband and I once had in regards to relationships.
I’m sure you understand by now that my husband and I live a very open, transparent, and raw marriage. I mean there is never a fixation left unsaid over here… from the good, the bad, the pretty, and the true ugly. And of course a marriage like this may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but for us, it has been, and is our only preference. In time it has created an intertwined foundation of strength – mutually.
So my husband once shared that in a past relationship, the woman he was involved with conveyed that it was unacceptable for him to watch television shows that had women in them (yes, I’m serious).
In the instance that I heard this years ago, I couldn’t help but feel an achiness for him. For I know, insecurity is a revolting entity to have within a relationship dynamic. As I shared in my “Marriage Advice from a 25-year-old” article:
“My personal beliefs entail of the man being the ‘head of the household’. Not to say that women are any less able to provide for their families (as I DO believe in that as well). But I grew up with a sturdy, traditional example of marriage, and I know that an empowered man, who is respected by his wife, in return, truly loves and adores her, and thus creates a beautiful union and family dynamic that reaches generations to come.
I believe in mutual respect. I believe that for a man to be able to BE the best version of himself, his woman must truly respect him (and vice-versa). As women, when we respect our man’s judgment and abilities, we give them the priceless gift of confidence in providing for their family. However, true respect is not the same thing as blind respect. As partners in life, we still must lean on each other to make joint decisions, however, without that foundation of respect, one is less likely to involve the other in such important decisions.”
I still wholeheartedly believe in this manifesto, however, when a relationship involves an insecure person from the start, sadly, such respect and trust may be seemingly impossible to reach and the relationship can therefore simply be doomed from the very beginning.
At this point you may be wondering what my position is for sharing this note with you. . .
What prompted me to this entry was finding out that we are expecting a baby boy.
Our little daughter is an absolute daddy’s girl in every way possible, hence why I have always joked with my husband that maybe he’ll know “how I feel” one day if we have a son, a.k.a. mama’s boy! ;)
However, once this actually became our reality, I started to think about the differences between raising a strong and confident little girl and a respectful little gentleman/boy.
Because I grew up with a superb example of a father/husband to my mother, I was fortunately equipped with the ability to become a strong and confident woman as an adult. But now I’m beginning the journey of becoming a mother to a son.
It’s been a few days since we learned of this incredible news, but I’m still finding myself getting teary-eyed from the immeasurable amount of joy mixed with equal parts of curiosity and nervousness. Just as my role as a mother to my daughter is incredibly imperative to blossoming her confidence and self-respect, my soon-to-be role in lifting up my son as a respectful, but emotionally healthy boy is just as vital.
Although the story that the above quote made me think back to involved a female insecurity concern, it does have my mind swirling. Everyone has heard of or witnessed a situation where a female tends to (inadvertently) seek relationships for a kind of approval that may have been missing from a father-figure during childhood. However, this is not just a reality for women. There are equal amounts of men who indulge in the same type of habits out of emotional deficiencies stemming from childhood or the missing love from a mother.
And that is what this note is about.
I want to invite you on this new journey of mine, becoming a mother (also) to a son.
I have already started my dutiful research (lol), and author Cheri Fuller’s book, “What a Son Needs From His Mom”, just may be where I start this new expedition.
“One misconception is that being close to your son causes him to be a mama’s boy, weak or dependent.
The reality is that a mother’s love doesn’t make her son more dependent or timid; it actually makes him stronger and more independent. So mothers shouldn’t hold back when it comes to showing their sons love, especially in a society in which parent-child relationships are often strained.”
As an avid reader and college graduate, I have studied the communication differences between males and females. Therefore, I understand that there are going to be varying challenges to come with a son, as compared to with a daughter. However, I trust that God has blessed me with this calling because he believes that I have the potential to raise my little boy cub successfully and righteously to manhood.
To join me, stay-tuned as more revelations are to come. :)