Life Stories, Marriage
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What is a Soulmate?

SoulThrough philosophical and mythological traditions, the soul is believed to be an immortal element of a living being that is the immaterial/non-physical essence of the individual life.

MateOne of a pair, connected by a specified thing.

Everyone wants one, some find one relatively early in life, and some wait decades to achieve such a prize.  But is there really a consensus of what a “soul mate” frankly is?  Perhaps to each, a soulmate may be defined in divergent ways.  I mean most definitions of happiness are relative to ones life, am I right?

The notion as to what my personal belief surrounding soulmate-ship arose after receiving some lovely messages and inquiries from Balanced Life Aloha readers – requesting more sharing of my marriage and about the love between my husband and I.

Reading feedback that our love has been inspiring to others is quite flattering, but in no way is our story perfect.  My husband and I both had many relationships before finding each other – though that is also perceivably a reason for the strength and understanding since day one of our union.

It actually took me a few years in to our relationship to realize that perhaps I finally reached the mark of understanding what a soulmate truly is.  How?

Although many believe that comparing past relationships to a current one is a big “no-no” in the love department, I beg to differ.

More so though, reflecting on WHO I WAS within other/past relationships and realizing the woman I am/have been in my marriage – THAT was the comparison that transcended my knowledge as to what a soulmate means to me.

Many fall deeply in love or hard in lust and automatically force a feeling upon themselves of “this HAS to be it”, but unless the situation has a deep spiritual depth, I’d be hesitant as to the reality of things.

See, until many failed relationships, partnerships, and even friendships, I never understood the importance of the spiritual relationship within myself, WITH MYSELF.  Fortunately so, a tremendously rough experience as a 21-year-old had catapulted me in to a personal spiritual journey – one in which resulted in accidentally finding the love of my life, my now soul mate.

Upon that spiritual journey, my mind, heart, and brain were so greatly challenged and ultimately changed, it was almost like a complete re-wiring.  The biggest realization was that my life was not mine.  And what I mean by that is, I (and each one of us) have a magical potential deep-seeded within us to cultivate our unique gift given to us as a piece to the bigger puzzle of life here on Earth.

Once this realization set-in, I inadvertently washed away all need and worries of “finding the one”.  My purpose then shone as something so much more important… making a ‘bigger’ difference while I was here on this blessed planet.  Not too far after this had occurred, did my husband and I cross paths and best friends we became, almost immediately.

We knew that there was something so special about the authentic acceptance of one another and each others faults, pasts, and sins – that marriage and further transcendence was not a question but rather a doubtless commitment to something more than ourselves.

I’m not selling you a fairy tale here though.  There was no doubt hurdles and triumphs in the beginning of our story together.  But, over time we both realized that we had more than the generic affinity, comfort, and compatibility that most believe make up a great relationship or marriage.

Actually, we were less compatible and more so opposites to be honest — and THAT’S where the foundation of our soulmate-ship begins ;)

Our relationship with one another differs almost completely from that of the relationships we both had ever had with others in the past.  Thus, a sign of a growth-oriented union, rather than a merely filling-a-void relationship.  (As Rumi once wrote, “You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens.”)

We found each other during a time in which we both were nose-deep in a soul growth season of life.  Having respected that from the beginning, it allowed us to be conscious of who each other were, and WHY we were adjoined to one another.  And that “WHY” is another distinct clearance of our soulmate-ship. (As in, a double-sided relationship, rather than a hidden-agenda or self-seeking partnership.)

Now the riches of our relationship together are comprised of some rather ugly things, believe it or not.  Like bringing to attention the aspects of each other that are not conducive to personal (or joint) growth.  That being because we both possess goals to aspire to the greatest versions of ourselves, not just for life’s ascension, but for our children’s sake.  By the time our children are teenagers and we are spending family summers out on the French Riviera or wandering around ancient Egyptian pyramids, we want to be people that our daughter and son can aspire to be like.  We are pursuing a life worth sharing, but if we didn’t shake each other up a bit in discourse here-and-there, those aspirations will remain just that, far-reaching goals.

To put this all in layman’s terms, being soulmates to one another means to us more than lust and love.  It’s a job that my husband and I understand comes with responsibilities of continually propelling one another to becoming better versions of ourselves.  It may not be easy to hear (from the love of your life) that something you are doing is not conducive to the betterment of your life or your family’s life, but it is a profound reason that my husband and I have unshakable security and comfort within each other.

So for those of you who have reached out in wonder as to our love journey, I hope that my share here can instill hope and inspire you to leap towards your own voyage of discovering what a soulmate means to you, and in return, also aids in manifesting that certain person into the long-term plans of your life.

Happy Searching!

x. Heather

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